I remember the day mommy told me she was pregnant with you.
“A sister? I’m getting a sister?!”
I couldn’t hold my excitement. I screamed. I jumped. You were all I’d ever wanted. I remember when you first came home. You were so tiny. So soft. I vowed I’d love you for forever. I had my own baby now. You’re my life line, you know that? I love you more than I love myself. I spend every day worrying about you. I miss you even seconds after I’ve left you. You alone have the power to shatter my heart—to leave me gasping for air.
I’m writing this to you because I don’t want you to turn out like me. I’ve spent all my life pretending to be someone I’m not, and now I’m this 22-year-old “adult” struggling to find a sense of self. I’m writing this to you because I really want you to do well in this world. I’m writing this to you because the world is a scary place and I want you to know that I didn’t know. I want you to know that life isn’t always easy. There will be hard days. People will break your heart. You’ll get so overwhelmed that it might be hard to breath. It’s going to fucking suck. Know that you can conquer anything. Don’t let them take advantage of your softness, remember “to be soft is to be powerful”.
Maya, know that your worth lies in your hands and your hands alone. Know that you are a gem. Never ever ever let anyone make you doubt your beauty, strength, and intelligence. I remember when you were four and insisted that your name was Tari because you wanted to be just like me. That was the biggest compliment. My heart soared—but Maya, my love, I want you to be yourself. I want you to go out there and explore things.
I wish someone would have sat me down at 10 years old and told me that It’s okay not to be perfect. I know we both grew up in a home that preaches perfection. The worst thing is that when you leave home you’ll realize that the outside world also preaches perfection. This world will put a lot of pressure on you to be something they think is ideal. This world will tell you how to look, think, act, and dress. But here’s a little secret. FUCK IT ALL. Whatever you are and however you look is perfect, because it’s YOU.
Don’t forget to believe in love. It’s real. It’s there for everyone. I mean it. I know it’s there because I love you so deeply, and so fully. My love, loving you is godly.
And for my final advice, allow yourself to be sensitive. This world will try and tell you that sensitivity is a bad thing. They’ll tell you to lock up your heart. They’ll tell you to not let your guard down for fear you’ll get hurt. I love human vulnerability. I think it’s the most beautiful human trait. Own yours. It takes bravery and strength to let your guard down. You are brave. Own it.
Maya, loving you is godly.