I started dating when I was 17. Let’s call him Michael. He was my everything. But, most importantly, he was my first love. I had never been in love before, so being with Michael was a whole new world. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) we didn’t last forever. I realized that love isn’t always enough, and that tolerating someone for the sake of being afraid to be alone isn’t good. In fact, it’s not worth it.
After Michael, my pattern of dating truly started forming. If I wasn’t in an official relationship I was talking to somebody. At times I wasn’t just talking to one somebody, I was talking to multiple somebodies. On top of that, my relationships weren’t long—5 months tops, and I was out. Any sign of real life commitment had me running out the door.
Obviously I have huge co-dependency issues.
Obviously I have some underlying commitment issues.
I didn’t have the most stable life growing up, and as we all know emotional stability plays a large role in any child’s life. All I know is that now my desire for stability is probably one of the strongest driving forces I am in control of. The problem is that instead of finding stability within myself, I always tried to find it in a significant other.
I made a commitment to myself at the start of the summer. I said I was going to stand on my own two feet. I’m learning to get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and call myself beautiful. I take myself on dates. I don’t tolerate any man that refuses to take into account my own goals and aspirations. I don’t settle.
So, I’m here. I am single. I am not ashamed. I am not lonely, or sad, or afraid. I’m extremely optimistic. Love will find me one day. Love finds all of us, and until then I’ll be here writing blog posts, working out, drinking wine, and finding pleasure in all things life.