There exists a loneliness in me that I can’t pinpoint. It’s not the type of loneliness that comes with having no one around. It’s a loneliness that creeps in–slowly and then all at once. It’s the kind of loneliness that has me running away from mirrors and insulates me fully from good energy and good thoughts. On days like these I think of past versions of me, versions that don’t exist anymore. We as humans are constantly evolving. I think about how sad change can be. How experiences can shape our very existence in a way that forces us to transform.
On these days I crave to be the versions of myself that never existed. Versions I’ve imagined and idealized, because if I am being honest with myself, and with you, all versions of myself have known suffering.
This type of loneliness is deep. It cannot be fixed by human interaction in person or via the intricacies of technology. It cannot be fixed by superficial compliments. It cannot be shoved down so deep hoping to be forgotten, for this type of loneliness always comes back. The body cannot handle it. The body does not want to hold it. This type of loneliness cannot be housed.
If I have learned anything this past year, is that I won’t ever be ready for what life throws at me. So, here I am making a vow to live as authentically as possible in 2018. I want to trust myself to fall, and then get back up knowing that I am too resilient to break. This year is the year of seizing new opportunities. The year of surrounding myself with people that allow me to thrive, and leaving room in my heart for the unexpected. But, most importantly, this is the year I finally take control of my own narrative, the year I trust the journey of mindfulness, and the year I believe in the beauty of my own words.
The time is now.
When we all decide to stand in our truth, we are deciding to step into our personal power. We do not bend. We do not conform. We do not hide. We do not deny. We do not set ourselves on fire just to keep others warm. Because, when we do that, when we allow people to shame us out of our stories, and our experiences we become fragmented. We lose bits and parts of ourselves that were not honored.
I dare you to live 2018 loudly and proudly. I dare you to walk with you chin up, and to face the world with sheer honesty and power. I dare you to just be. Give ’em hell.
Happy New Year!